I had a dream that I was an office worker in a skyscraper dressed in a monochromatic Scarlet/White pantsuit and a pair of immaculate black dress shoes, working on the computer doing some sort of graphic design work. I remember my boss would sometimes come over and say things like “keep up the good work, sweetheart,” “you know, I didn’t hire you for nothing,” or “make sure you don’t fuck this up, love,” all while he maintained a diminutive and condescending tone to me. It was as if I was a fuck-up and I had made some mistake prior that cost the company, but I am not sure for the life of me what it could have been. I just remember spending my time working and occasionally going on my smoke break. My smoke break would always go wrong though, as I had to go to the roof of the building to smoke. Only, every time I would go up there, I would have an urge to jump off the building onto the streets below. Every time I would jump though, time would reset back to when I was in the stairwell just before the top floor, and I would be more and more psychotic each time. This happened many times to me, until I then decided to break the cycle by simply smoking in the janitorial closet behind the building’s water heater. This managed to work, although I remember being covered in brown and purple spiders, which would crawl all over me due to being attracted to the cherry of my cigarette. I didn’t mind though, as they didn’t bite, and I was too shaken up to be that worried over a few of muffet’s children anyway. That was, until I finished smoking, and heard a voice come from behind a false wall in the closet. The voice was that of an old woman, and she said to me “come with me, dearie. I shall treat you like the princess you are, and you will never have to worry about work again.” For some reason, this freaked me out, and I just said “l-later please!,” as I burst out the door in fear and began running down the stairwell back towards my office. I almost slipped a few times, but I eventually made it back to the exit door, and I swung it open with no hesitation and ran inside. Strangely, nobody seemed to acknowledge me at all, even after slamming the door loudly. I let out a massive sigh of relief, before I then pulled a bottle of coke out of my pocket, drinking the entire thing in record time before throwing it in the trashcan. I went to walk over to my workstation, but before I could, my boss came out of a side room and stopped me, saying “Ms. Wolfe, we need to talk. It’s urgent.” “I-I understand, I’ll be there right away,” I replied to him, trying my best to keep a calm compusre although I was internally shitting bricks. I walked into my boss’ office, only to see him with two cakes on his desk. He then said to me “we originally got you an ice cream cake for our monthly Worker Appreciation Day, but you were working so tirelessly today that it melted before you could eat it.” Pausing and fidgeting with his pen, he then gestured to the two cakes on his desk, saying “so we got two more regular cakes, and I’m just gonna let you pick one. To make up for earlier.” I stood there, perplexed, looking at the two cakes on his desk, one was covered in white frosting, diced grapes, and wine-flavored deep purple icing; conversely, the other one was covered in a deep black frosting, the icing was a mix of neon red and a piercing white color, there were what looked to be blackberries arranged in a decagon around the perimeter, but most shocking of all, the icing colors combined to create a message with an elaborate font, although I could not read it because it was written in ancient glyphs that vaguely resembled the twisted lovechild of Etruscan and Katakana. The stress and irony of the event started to break me, and I just began to laugh hysterically, not even caring about how I looked to the rest of my coworkers. I was in a pure state of shock, just struggling to process all the stress as I collapsed to the floor and my eyes filled with tears, all the while I felt my sanity slipping. My world then started to fade into a never ending green carpeted plane with an endless grey void for a skybox, which then caused me to jolt awake as soon as I went to wipe the tears from my eyes. I awoke very disoriented today, feeling a lingering emotional impact from my dream upon initially waking. I recovered rather quick though, and decided to write this entry rather than languishing. This dream really stuck with me though, probably because of the somber mood of the early part of it. My hormones are also okay, just recently had my estrogen shot. Perhaps that affected things? FIN.
Your dream is rich with symbolism and emotional undertones, reflecting various aspects of your current life and struggles. Let's break down the significant elements in your dream for a deeper understanding.
You enter the dream as an office worker in a skyscraper, which often symbolizes ambition, stability, and the pursuit of success. The monochromatic scarlet and white pantsuit suggests a strong, assertive self-image while also indicating feelings of duality – perhaps conflicting emotions or pressures you feel within your job or career. The immaculate black shoes represent your desire for professionalism and perfection but may also point to the burden of expectations.
Your boss's condescending remarks, such as “keep up the good work, sweetheart,” suggest feelings of being belittled or undermined, highlighting a struggle for recognition and respect in your professional life. The fear that you have made an irreparable mistake creates a sense of anxiety or impostor syndrome; this could indicate feelings of inadequacy or self-doubt that you're grappling with in your waking life.
The experience of wanting to jump off the building can symbolize a desire to escape your responsibilities or the pressures you face. This cycle where you keep resetting signifies feelings of entrapment, as if you're unable to break free from the demands of your work environment. The increasing psychosis emphasizes a mounting sense of frustration and mental strain, highlighting how pressure can lead to a deteriorating mental state.
Deciding to smoke in the janitorial closet represents an attempt to find solace in an unconventional way, seeking refuge in a place where you felt hidden yet slightly safe. However, the spiders crawling over you can represent discomfort with your coping mechanisms or the looming anxiety that surrounds your situation; they may symbolize the overwhelmed sensations you feel, even when you're trying to find peace.
The old woman’s voice behind the false wall symbolizes temptations or alternate realities and the fear of losing control. Her offer to take care of you like a princess represents a longing to escape responsibilities and stress, perhaps reflecting a desire for nurturing and support in your life but also the fear of dependency or the unknown.
The cakes signify reward, recognition, and the desire for validation, encapsulating your struggle for approval in a demanding workplace. The juxtaposition of the two cakes, one appealing and one mysterious, reflects the contrasting aspects of your work-life – the pleasure of appreciation versus the anxiety of judgment. The inability to decipher the ancient glyphs may symbolize feelings of confusion or being overwhelmed by the demands and expectations placed upon you.
Your emotional breakdown in the dream highlights the pressure you've been under, and the laughter amidst tears symbolizes the complexity of these emotions – feeling both absurdity and deep sorrow over your circumstances. The grey void you encounter may represent the existential fears or uncertainties you have about the future or your identity, leading to a longing for clarity and emotional stability.
Upon waking, the lingering emotions suggest that your subconscious is processing these stresses and feelings of inadequacy. The mention of your recent estrogen shot could indeed influence your emotional state, as hormonal changes can amplify feelings and affect mental health.
In summary, your dream paints a vivid picture of your struggles with identity, recognition, and mental well-being in a demanding environment. It encourages self-reflection on your coping mechanisms, the pressure you face, and your desire for validation and peace. It could be beneficial to explore these feelings further through creative outlets, therapy, or support systems that foster empathy and understanding, allowing you to break free from the cycle you felt trapped in during the dream.